I know, I didn’t think I’d be the type to juice either. But I got sick a couple of weeks ago and while the worst of it lasted just a day, that gross sick feeling lingered for far longer than I’m used to and I thought maybe it was time for a reboot.
Was I toxic? I don’t know. I think my stress levels are relatively low. I try to squeeze in 2-3 Bikram yoga classes every week and eat everything in moderation. Eh, maybe too many cookies once in a while. I don’t smoke anymore but I do drink, not often but I like my drink when I do indulge.
Although weight loss is a natural side effect of juicing, it wasn’t my objective and I wouldn’t suggest it to anyone for that purpose alone. Maybe to jumpstart a shift to a healthier diet, sure. I think we all know that whatever weight you lose during the cleanse will be gained right back unless healthier lifestyle changes are made and sustained post-cleanse.
I opted for Basic Juicery because it seemed to have really interesting and tasty juice blends and for someone like me who loves to eat, flavor is king. Full disclosure: Basic Juicery gave me a day’s worth of juices for free which saved me P2,000.00. My total cost came down to P8,300.00. Basic Juicery delivers 3 days’ worth of juices at a time. They juice only organic fruits and vegetables with no additives. A day’s worth of Basic Juicery haul is comprised of 1 green tea + 8 300-ml bottles of juice/nut milk + 1 probiotic juice drink which are to be had in a particular order every hour.
I didn’t prep for this cleanse (bad Sam!) but you probably should by reading something helpful like this before you get started.
Day 1 (Saturday)
I wake up equal parts giddy and scared to get started. I skip my usual cup of coffee and replace with green tea. Two hours later, I sip my first ever bottle of juice (Queen B, technically a nut milk) and oh my goodness it is so delicious and I wonder why I never see strawberry-flavored almond milk around, hello? If all the juices taste this good, we are golden.
I have some shopping to do today so I bust out my thermal bag (thank you, Marie France 💕) and pack 4 hours’ worth of juice. Aside from the physical activity, I’m worried about being in an environment where I will be assaulted by the sight and smell of all kinds of food. I guess I’ll be hitting the ground running in the temptation department. I decide that today’s mantra is, “Everything you crave today will still be there at the end of this cleanse so suck. it. up.”
I’m pleasantly surprised that a) shopping doesn’t feel all that draining and b) an hour seems to fly by so it feels like I’m constantly drinking (yummy) juice. I’m really not that hungry and I’m not ogling at food either. I do, however, have to pee like a mother. I have to void my bladder like, I don’t know, every 20 minutes.
There’s a mass I have to attend which ends with potluck dinner. My mother drags me to a Chooks-to-Go to pick up her potluck contribution and it’s the first time I feel like crumbling THANKS, MOM. I hear mass and do my best to slip out while trying to adequately answer why I won’t be eating anything (the desire in middle-aged Korean women to feed everyone is very strong). I get home and I’m hungry and I contemplate eating raw cabbage which would have been allowed but I wanna be Hardcore Sam. I drink some water and try to read myself to sleep. I’m really hungry. I wonder if my stomach is eating itself.
The juices were all so delicious (I like the nut milks and green juices best) but I miss salty. It also occurs to me that I didn’t chew anything all day. My goodness, how weird.
Day 2 (Sunday)
I had the best sleep in a while – something like a solid, undisturbed 7 hours which doesn’t happen to me anymore (I average maybe an undisturbed 4 and then a shallow couple more hours if I insist on going back to sleep). I’m also feeling celebratory because I DID IT! I survived a day of juicing! High fives all around!
I’m famished. My first juice of the day, Wake Up Call (almond milk + coffee beans + vanilla bean + cacao nibs + dates + sea salt + coconut water), is ridiculously good and look, coffee! I’m so happy I could cry. I notice a new zit on my chin – gasp, is this a detox zit? I shall wear it like a badge of honor.
I have some random TV show playing in the background while getting ready for mass and the host says, “Jews and non-Jews”. I hear “juice and non-juice”.
It’s my first time back in a long time at my Korean church and I couldn’t be happier…until I find out the church gives everyone free lunch after mass. Today, it’s bibimbap. REALLY, GOD?
I get home and I’m hungry. I decide today’s mantra is “Sanity is a banana away.” I try to distract myself by watching Girls. Hannah mentions eating Flaming Hot Cheetos and it’s all I want in life. I never want Flaming Hot Cheetos (Cheddar Jalapeño forever). I’m so hungry. I have a banana. YUM-O.
I go searching for some inspiration on YouTube and land on the documentary Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead which is about this Australian guy Joe Cross who juiced for 60 days. Holy cow! Mmmm, cow.
Day 3 (Monday)
Quality of sleep wasn’t remarkable but not bad. I’m not tired but I’m feeling a little sluggish during my radio show maybe because I’m not used to stringing words to make coherent sentences without coffee at 6 AM.
Today’s mantra is, “Jesus did it for 40 days, Joe Cross for 60!!!”. I’m oddly not hungry at all but I also don’t wanna do much of anything which is just as well since I have to work tonight and I’m gonna need my energy. I tuck into bed with the Oscars after the show.
Oscars blunder. Someone tweets, “La-La-Loser” and I think it’s hilarious. Tomorrow’s mantra shall be, “La-La-Lose the toxins!” Thanks, Twitter.
Today, I’m shooting a video that will be used in a food company event. The irony! In the interest of feeding my brain cells for said shoot, I have a banana before I head out. I’m still mildly hungry but pretty alert and the shoot wraps without issue.
All the juices are delicious, they really are, but I am so over the fruity-sweet-sour flavor profile. Give me salty, I’ll even take bitter at this point.
Day 4 (Tuesday)
Quality of sleep was horrid which is unfortunate for a busy morning like today’s – I’m hosting the Children’s Hour annual fundraiser lunch after radio. I don’t wanna pass out while hosting so I pack a banana.
I’m not too concerned about the workload but I’m sooo sad that I’ll be missing out on lunch – every year, for as long as I have hosted this thing (3 years today), Chef Billy King of Le Chef at The Manor, Baguio has been catering the lunch for free (love. him.) and his food is delicious! Look at what I missed out on:
I tried not to stare at any of it and shooed all the servers headed my way but the inescapable and most torturous part was the glorious smell of food. My only consolation was that I was joined by a good friend on stage this year.
I have more shopping to do today and I really don’t want to because I’m hungry and tired and I don’t even like shopping. But I drag my feet and go anyway. Did I mention I’m hungry? I’m so hungry. I had a banana before hosting earlier but I’m gonna need more fuel today. I feel like being naughty and decide on…CRACKERS. (So naughty, woot.)
Normally, I don’t even as much as look at crackers but today I creepily savor even the scent of them. In my juicing universe, things like crunchy, savory, and salty are an absolute indulgence. Chewing for the first time in four days actually feels a little uncomfortable but who cares I’m eating crackers!
I’m finally home and it occurs to me I didn’t have a mantra today. I’m too tired to feel bad.
Day 5 (Wednesday)
LAST DAY TODAY YAS. I celebrate by splitting a pack of Sky Flakes with Nikko during radio.
Today is Ash Wednesday so I swing by church for mass and then I have a whole lot of nothing to do the rest of the day. I vacillate between “It’s your last day, relax and have at them crackers!” and “It’s your last day, finish strong!” I give in to just one more pack, enjoy every crumb, and decide to stick to the juices. I don’t falter, even when my Mom drags me to the grocery store (what is her problem). I do pick up some Tostitos and salsa for a future binge.
Instead of a mantra, I look back on the past five days. A 5-day juice cleanse is rough, especially if it’s your first time juicing. I think three days would’ve been just right. But holy crap, it seems I’ve tapped into a discipline I didn’t know I had. I treat myself to a massage. I blow out a candle after said massage and I swear it smells like barbecue. I should go to bed.
Some final thoughts.
I feel great post-cleanse – there is no trace of sick in me anymore. I think I was expecting to be much more alert during my cleanse but I wasn’t. If anything, I think I was a little distracted because I was hungry. I do feel a resolve to keep my diet wholesome to fully benefit from the cleanse.
I would totally do this again but I wouldn’t be so hardcore next time. Like I said, I think a 3-day cleanse is just right for beginners but a 5-day cleanse is absolutely doable if you include some fruit, vegetables, and crackers (Sky Flakes!!!). I’ve acquired a taste for green juices and plan to keep them in my diet forever and ever. As of this writing, I haven’t had a proper cup of coffee and I don’t know why. At this point, it feels like a little game I have going with myself to see how long I can go without it.
I’m so tickled because I feel like I timed this cleanse perfectly for Lent. If I can do 5 days of (mostly) juice, Lent should feel like a piece of cake! Unless, of course, I give up cake.